Mother, daughter, granddaughter and great-granddaughter

My daughter, son-in-law and granddaughter came for a quick visit this weekend to see my mother who has been ill again. This put the four generations (mother, daughter, granddaughter and great-granddaughter) in the same room at the same time. Alas, no pictures this time because Mother is not up to a picture taking session. At her age, we take what we can get without embarrassing her.
It was fun to go through some of the family photos with Mother asking her great-granddaughter to identify the people in the old pictures. She did a good job of recognizing us when we were much younger. I discovered a picture of my grandmother when she was 16 years old. Mother said she looked like me at that age. I also found a picture of my father’s father and uncles in an old photo. Daddy had labeled the people in the photo. This will help with my genealogy study.
Soon, very soon, I will have to go through all the old family pictures to identify and label each one before no one is left to know who is who. My husband and I have threatened to do the same with our own extensive photo collection for some time. But we are so good at procrastinating. Shame, shame on us.

The Sandwich Generation Squeeze

My mother is back in the hospital for the third time in a month and a half; I have health issues, minor ones thank goodness, that I must address now; and I’m scheduled to babysit our five year old granddaughter in about a week. Taking one day at a time, doing some deep breathing, reading snatches of a book purely for escapism, getting some exercise and trying to get enough rest is all I can do for now. I don’t know when my responsibilities will collide, but I can’t worry about it for now.
I will say that I am one of the lucky members of this sandwich generation. I do have a sister who is very instrumental in taking care of our mother. On one occasion, my husband and I were traveling a great distance to take care of his father, when Mother had to go into the hospital. Sis took care of that situation. She and I try to coordinate our schedules so that Mother is taken care of by one of us. But we do have a couple of family members and a friend we can call upon for a very short term backup if we are desperate enough.
Sis and I have to be prepared for the inevitable. After all, Mother is 88 ½ years old and in poor health. Fortunately Sis and I have already agreed on most of the major details but we have to write our plans down. It is very difficult to think of everything while under stress. With just the two of us and our children handling everything, we won’t have any conflicts to handle. Everything worked out beautifully when we had to handle our father’s services.
I also have a husband who is more than willing to take over the babysitting duties if I am unable to do so myself. Once he had to babysit for a couple of days by himself because I had a health issue to resolve. He did a great job, but he was worn out. And our granddaughter was thrilled because her grandfather was in charge. Of course, she was. She can get away with a few things with him.
Being part of the Sandwich Generation can be daunting at times. But there are many blessings. We've enjoyed the times that our four generations have been in the same place at the same time. And we treasure the numerous precious pictures that prove it.

More exercise please

As a retired senior, I am watching the Olympics with a sigh. Knowing that I could not compete in any of the events made me just a little bit envious about the energetic young people who are competing. Then I saw Dara Torres at age 41 win a silver medal in her swimming event. She has won three silver medals and is older than the combined ages of the gold and bronze winners of one of the events. I also caught a glimpse of a gray haired gentleman preparing to compete in an Olympic sailing event after he failed to win a medal 40 years ago. And I believe that at least one of the female marathon runners is in her late thirties. I enjoy cheering for the older Olympic competitors. Yeh, yeh, I also cheer for the younger ones and competitors from other countries. Who am I kidding? I truly enjoy the games.
My husband, son and I were happy to attend the Olympics in Atlanta, Georgia in 1996. Yes, we were there, but in bed, when the bomb went off. That did not diminish our excitement in watching the games and talking to people from other countries. We could not afford to go to Sidney, Australia in 2000 or to Beijing, China this year. Maybe we can go to London, England in 2012. If not, there is always television.
But these games are encouraging me to get up and get moving. The longer I sit, the stiffer I get. The only exercise that I’ve had lately has been on the golf course. I am becoming a nut about the game. Imagine, me, a former anti-golf person enjoying the game as much as I am. The main reasons are (1) fresh air and exercise, (2) fun even if I’m not good at golf, (3) playing at any age, (4) hubby and I play together, and (5) the friendly people on the golf courses.
When the weather is too cold for me to play, I will do country line dancing, Tai Chi, walk and swim at the recreation center.
Check with your doctor first, but you also can be more physically active. If you are not a member of a recreation center or a YM or YWCA, try joining one. If you are not near one or your budget won’t allow membership, then try walking at a mall or on your street. Get a friend or partner to join you. Chair exercises help alleviate stiffness and most seniors can do it. Bowling or dancing with friends on a bi-weekly basis and lifting weights such as small barbells (use soup cans if barbells aren’t handy.) may help you physically.
As we get older, we must seek out physical activities that will keep us healthy and happy. And don’t forget to exercise your brain. I will discuss mental exercises later.

The Workbook Was Worth the Struggle

As a retiree, I now have time to devote myself to the craft of writing, my favorite hobby. Last night I completed writing the workbook that will accompany the anthology, "It’s Worth the Struggle: Inspiration for Contemporary Writers." The words of the essayists included in our anthology inspired me to write the workbook. Using a direct quote from each of the writers, I developed a task to accompany each quote. Writers can use the lined pages in the notebook to complete the tasks. Hopefully, these tasks will encourage writers to write with more confidence.
My initial effort excited my fellow editors and I made an all-out effort to produce the best workbook that I could write. I can’t describe how ecstatic I am over the results. The completed workbook manuscript is now in the hands of the other editors. I hold my breath that this is what they want. Who am I kidding? I am very happy with the results and I know they will like it. Even if they have to make a few editorial changes, they will like what I have done. YOU GO, GIRL!

Pass It On

The talents you have should not be lost or forgotten. This can only be done if you pass it on. In other words, teach the next generation. My grandmother started making quilts for her granddaughters but didn’t finish before she passed away. None of us learned to quilt. How sad.
Photography has always been important to our family and many of my cousins have continued the tradition of taking pictures at all family reunions. My eight year old nephew is also very good at taking pictures during special occasions.
My father and mother danced together most of their adult lives. I remember the day Daddy said to his two beloved daughters, “I’m going to teach you girls how to dance. We’re not having any wallflowers in this house.”
I quickly learned to follow his smooth dance steps. My younger sister was still young enough to stand on his feet while he taught her to social dance, waltz and cha cha. My sister and I, in turn, taught our children to dance. Our grandchildren dance and, of course, added the hustle and a few other modern dances to their repertoire.
I know how to crochet simple items and have made afghans for my granddaughter and her doll. I still can’t believe my very active granddaughter, at the age of three and a half, would sit still for an hour at a time to watch me crochet. At five, she still does. She has shown an interest in doing simple crafts and I am teaching her how.
If you love music, pass that appreciation on. Expose the younger generation to various types of music such as jazz, country, classical as well as music from other cultures. Take the children to concerts, plays, zoos, museums and libraries. Help them learn to appreciate the arts. Remember, you are retired. You have some time to pass on a legacy of culture to the younger generation. And please allow them to show you what they know.

We Gather Together

When you have more than one generation together for a short visit, during a long stay or because of a permanent arrangement, there are precautions you should take. Children and adult medications don’t mix. Be sure that you keep grandma’s, grandpa’s and your own medications out of reach of younger family members. Remember, they can climb. And it never hurts to caution the youngsters that they shouldn’t touch anyone else’s medicine.
Serving meals for multiple generations can also be difficult because of the special dietary needs of the elderly and the finicky taste buds of the young. Engage the children in selecting some menu items and help them prepare the easier dishes. They could even prepare some of the food for their grandparents. The children could learn to fix meals to freeze for their grandparents to eat at a later time. This will help the children feel special and also encourages the children to develop empathy for others.
Whenever I visited my invalid father-in-law who lived over 600 miles from us, I would spend one day preparing five or six of his favorite meals. Then I would freeze meal size portions so that he would have food for a couple of months after we returned home. Of course, other family members did the same thing so that he was never without food.
The noise level of grandchildren can be a little overwhelming for the elderly so youngsters should be taught to “Keep it down.” Find quieter activities for the children during the old folks' naptime. But when the grandparents are awake – and willing – the children could play dominoes, checkers, card games and board games with them. They can also read to their elders and/or their elders could read to them.
It takes a little work to have several generations living together successfully. But multi-generational living can be good for all concerned.

Picture This

When you are with family members, don't miss an opportunity to take pictures. Be sure to record the date, time, place, event (if special) and full names of people in the photos. Don't assume you'll remember the who, what, where and why of all your pictures. Memories fade. Besides you may not be there to tell your children and grandchildren about your pictures.
If you have not yet organized your many photos in albums, you should do so as soon as possible. Empty those envelopes and shoe boxes of photos starting with your most recent photos because your memory of the recent photos is fresher. Put the photos in albums and label them. I have seen some albums with stories next to many of the pictures. Not all photos are worth salvalging. But select carefully. Instead of throwing out duplicates or unwanted photos, offer them to other family members.
Not sure of how to organize photos? Try choosing a theme for each section of an album, if not the entire album. Themes such as (a) Vacation Highlights, (b) Children at Play, (c) Family Birthdays or (d) Family Group Photos for your family genealogy study may help you get started organizing your photos. Or you can put your pictures in chronological order.
Of course, people who use digital cameras can print their pictures for albums and/or save their pictures on DVDs or on zip drives. On that, I can't give you any suggestions. After all, I'm just now getting into blogging. . . and having a great time doing it.

Genealogy

Now that you're retired--or even while you're considering retirement--think about studying your family's genealogy. Do the study before you lose any more older members of the family--and before you forget what you know about your family.
Start with yourself and what you know about your family. Then with permission, tape record interviews with the older generation and younger ones who remember family facts and stories. Prepare questions in advance, but let their answers guide your subsequent questions.
Also take notes during the interview. (For example: What was the interviewees reactions to certain questions? What unfamiliar names and places were mentioned during the interview?
Take a class or attend workshops on genealogy. Join a genealogy group to gain insight into achieving success in your research. Learn to organize your findings immediately. Make copies of all documents and make a computer back-up of the written data. Decide how you want to display the results. Will you produce a printed book or do you prefer a folder with room in the back for adding future generations?
My genealogy study was very haphazard in the beginning because I had no idea what I was doing. After attending several workshops and classes and joining a genealogy society, I did things differently. My research has helped me go back four generations on one side of the family and five generations on the other side. My research is not yet complete but I'm enjoying the findings. I'm even making plans to visit the states where my paternal and maternal parents and grandparents were born. Hopefully my grandchildren and great-grandchildren will take an interest in our genealogy and continue my work.

Meals Have Changed

Even though I enjoy cooking there are some days when I’d rather not be bothered. I’ve gotten into the habit of occasionally cooking several meals at once using the oven, stove top and microwave. But even this can be tiresome. Eating out every day is not in our budget, nor is it good for our health. But when we do eat out, we prefer to eat our heavier meal during the lunch hour. Many restaurants offer smaller lunch meals at a cheaper price. And, of course, I use coupons and/or senior discounts to cut the cost even more.
Our evening meals are much lighter. Now we don’t feel as sluggish at night. What may seem obvious to some people, simple didn’t register with me at first. Now, even when we eat at home, we much prefer to eat our heavier meals earlier in the day.
I’ve always been a traditional cook, never straying far from the standard meats, vegetables and seasonings. Learning to use less salt was easy. However, experimenting with different vegetables and spices hasn’t been easy for me.
My husband, bless his heart, is much more welling to experiment than I am. He eats what I put in front of him and has been brave enough to make a few suggestions. One of the most important changes is the introduction of broiled or grilled fresh salmon. (You mean salmon doesn’t grow in a can?) We like fresh salmon so much that we try to have some at least three to four times a month. This is an easy dish. Lemon juice and Mrs. Dash put on the salmon just before cooking is what I first used. We can very the flavor with other spices. I don’t even buy canned salmon anymore.
Now I’m trying to decide what new dish to try next? At least I know hubby will try it. As a matter of fact, he may even help me cook.

It's Worth the Struggle

For the past few months, some of my friends and I have worked on an anthology, “It’s Worth the Struggle: Inspiration for Contemporary Writers.” The idea for our book came from a group discussion about our writing experiences. We hoped to inspire others by sharing our stories. When we sent a “call-out” for other writers to share their writing experiences, we were pleased to accept over twenty essays. Serious, funny and inspiring essays fill the pages of the anthology.
Upon reading and helping edit the essays, I was inspired to compile a workbook to accompany the anthology. Using direct quotes from the authors’ essays, I wrote an assignment for each quote hoping to encourage people who have contemplated giving up their dream of writing. The workbook, with lined pages, will be small enough to keep in a purse or brief case. Our book launch and silent auction is planned for Friday, September 12, 2008 at the Southfield Parks & Recreation Building in Southfield, Michigan.
The tension and excitement is growing over our project. We’re hoping for a large, turnout at “An After-Work Affair.” Hopefully, all of the writers will be able to attend to allow people to meet the authors. One of the contributors will travel a great distance to be a part of the book launch.
I’ve always wanted to write. Retirement has given me the luxury of doing just that.

Get a Life

One excellent way to say, “No,” to people who think they have a right to your time is to get a life. If you are busy, people can’t readily intrude on your time. People who plan for retirement usually plan financially, but not socially. You now have time to pursue a hobby, take a trip or study a subject you’ve never had time to pursue.
Photography had always been important to my father. Upon retiring, he took a class in photography and eventually had some of his work on display at an art exhibit. My mother took up jewelry making and taught other residents at her senior apartment building to make necklaces, bracelets and earrings. One senior who had arthritis said jewelry making helped her regain some of the flexibility in her hands. Mother took macramé classes and made macramé gifts for family and friends. Now she makes and sells candy containers decorated like adorable little dolls.
One of my many pursuits is studying genealogy. The classes and workshops I’ve attended have helped me discover information on my ancestors. My goal is to learn as much as I can and to publish the results for our family’s future generations.
Finding a pursuit that pleases you may take time. Try more than one hobby or activity and enjoy this part of your life.

Learn to say, “No.”

During the second year of my retirement, I received a telephone call asking for a favor.
“Could you please come to my school to be our permanent substitute?”
Taking a deep breath before answering, I knew that my response was not what he wanted to hear. “I’m sorry, but I don’t want to sub.”
“But you’re really needed. If you don’t want the job permanently, you could be an on-call sub.”
“Look, if the teachers are throwing a party, call me. If you want a sub, lose my number.”
He laughed and said, “You must really enjoy retirement.”
Oh, yes, I am. As much as I enjoyed teaching, I’ve discovered that there is a life during retirement. One of the biggest problems during this time is that people will ask for a favor then make you feel guilty for saying, “No.”
Get over it! Don’t let people use up your time and energy. Practice saying, “No,” in the mirror until you perfect the skill. Having a hard time with that? Try saying, “I’ll get back to you on that when I check my schedule.” Then decide if the favor is something you really want to grant. But be careful that the favor is a “one time” thing and not an on-going responsibility. It is okay if a parent, adult child, grandchild or close friend wants a favor and you say, “I can’t do it at this time.” Simply put into your schedule the times when you will be available to do something for them if you wish. I’m not telling you to be selfish; I’m just suggesting that you guard your precious time carefully.
Don’t give concert reasons for not granting the favor. That’s when others will say your reason isn’t good enough. Try saying, “I’m already committed on that day.” Don’t feel that you must justify your every activity.
Remember you’re retired. You are your own boss. Use time wisely.

Watch Your Money

Finances may be difficult for your children and/or grandchildren in college. Avoid cashing in your retirement money to help with college fees. Students can apply for scholarships, but there are no scholarships for retirees. Also the financial experts will tell you not to co-sign for a student loan, car loan, bank loan or even a mortgage for anyone. If that person fails to pay on the loan, you are stuck for the balance. It will also negatively impact your credit rating and a good credit rating is hard to come by.
Conduct serious discussions with your family members about their finances. Remind them that they must be careful with their finances because yours are limited. You’ve worked hard for your retirement and they shouldn’t expect you to keep bailing them out. They should be empowered to help themselves even if it is a struggle.
If you can afford to help someone financially without it causing a hardship, feel free to do so. But never loan any more than you are willing to lose. It is better to give a small money gift to a relative rather than loan an amount you can’t afford to give away. Unpaid loans can cause a serious break in your relationship.
Even if you have extra money, your family members don’t have to know how much. Remember: That is your money in case of emergencies like a trip to Europe. You worked hard for the money. Don’t just give it away!

The Sandwich Generation

At a time when some people want to retire, their finances, time and energy are spent on their elderly parents as well as their own children and/or grandchildren. These people are too often caught in the middle of extra responsibilities from the other generations and tend to postpone their own relaxing retirement. Or if they have already retired, they can’t enjoy themselves because of pressing family obligations.
These people are part of the Sandwich Generation. Someone once said, “I feel like the baloney between two slices of bread.” When you feel the pressures from both sides, you must step back and reassess your situation. With parents living longer and adult children returning home often with their own children because of the struggling economy, what can you do?
You must make a plan that allows you to maintain free time to yourself and not be seen as an uncompensated, always available babysitter. You’ve raised your children; now they must raise their own. Arrange to keep your grandchildren on occasions as long as your children understand that the primary responsibility must be theirs. Some adult children assume Grandma is always available and they don’t bother to politely ask for compensated babysitting services.
Also find activities at a senior center or with other relatives for your elderly parents so that you are not totally responsible for them 24/7. If they are unable to go out because of health issues, have a trusted relative or friend stay with your parents so that you may have free time to yourself. Many cities and religious communities offer these types of services.
The caregiver who does not take care of herself wears out and will then need a caregiver of her own. This would apply to men also; but we know in our society the care giving usually falls to the woman regardless of whose parents are in need.